Posted on by Adam Wright
Adam & Beth
Adam & Beth at the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament in Hanceville, Alabama (Fall 2024)

“To know that the Father’s Wisdom is in every cross is faith. To trust that everything that happens to us is for our good is hope. But to express our love for Him in the midst of darkness and aridity is the purest love.” -Mother Angelica

TL:DR Version: Surgery & Tests are Scheduled. Help is Appreciated. God is in control!

Health & Logistical Updates
Several things are in motion right now and things will start happening quickly in the next few weeks. Here’s a glimpse of what’s about to happen.

  • I report soon for PET scan #2 to see if my Neuroendocrine Cancer has spread beyond the known liver metastasis.
  • I then report for pre-operative testing and procedures with anesthesia to prepare for the craniotomy.
  • We are less than three weeks away from the scheduled craniotomy date of April 16.

Reflection
Today is the ninth anniversary of the death of Mother Angelica. Mother founded EWTN and the Poor Claires of Perpetual Adoration. I have enjoyed the grace of praying at her tomb with Beth at the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament in Hanceville, Alabama (also the home of Our Lady of the Angels Monastery home of her religious order). Hopefully you saw the quote from Mother Angelica at the beginning of this post.

“To know that the Father’s Wisdom is in every cross is faith. To trust that everything that happens to us is for our good is hope. But to express our love for Him in the midst of darkness and aridity is the purest love.” -Mother Angelica

I remain incredibly grateful for the faith I’ve received that has assured me God is working through my particular crosses over this past year. I am grateful for the virtue of hope that has allowed me to trust that what He is working through these crosses is for my good. And I am grateful that, at some point in my life, someone taught me that love is “more than a feeling.” Love is an act of the will.

Perhaps, like me, you have found it difficult to love God. While I’ve been edified by the many kind words thanking me for my witness and inspiration through my journey, I would be lying if I said this was easy and comes naturally. When I first shared my diagnosis, I phrased it by saying “the Lord has invited me to walk a particular Way of the Cross with Him.” A friend sent a message reminding me the our Lord fell three times on His Way of the Cross and that I should not be surprised or discouraged when I fall on mine. The Lord knows I have fallen multiple times.

I think I’ve shared the quote from Fr. Mike Schmitz that “all sin is an attempt to be happy apart from God.” There have been multiple times throughout the past 10 months that I have not immediately found comfort or consolation in my cross. I have been impatient and I have been selfish. I have taken it upon myself to seek happiness, comfort, consolation, or some other form of distraction from suffering on my own terms. Providentially, God has worked through the grace of our marriage to have Beth remind me to STOP trying to find this on my own and TRUST in His plan. Thankfully He has also provided us the Sacrament of Reconciliation as well as the graces found in the Holy Eucharist and Anointing of the Sick to bring me back to Him.

Once again, Mother Angelica provided a good reminder about God’s plan. “God always forgives when you are totally repentant and you desire to change. He forgives… and He never gets tired of forgiving. Never. You may get tired of asking. I hope not. He never, never tires of forgiving. Never.”

This is perhaps one of the hardest demands of love. Having the humility to swallow my pride and ask for forgiveness is never easy. How many of us actually like to say “I screwed up… again…” I get tired of admitting it. I am tempted to give up. I am tempted to say it’s pointless because I’m never going to be perfect. But that is an incomplete view.

We may never be perfect on this side of Heaven, but we have a God who is willing to perfect us so that we can be with Him in Heaven. He does not tire of this work. It’s okay to tell Him that the cross is getting heavy. It’s okay to ask for help carrying the cross. He will not leave us abandoned under the weight of our crosses. Let us pray for the grace to see Him with us at the foot of our crosses.

I pray that you and I will continue to exercise the “spiritual muscles” needed to love God daily so that we can continue to love Him when the cross is heavier than we can bear alone. I cannot tell you how, but I can assure you that He has continued to pour out grace to sustain me under the weight of my cross. Please pray for me that I will continue to trust Him and love Him. Please know that I will pray for you that you may do the same.

Prayer Requests
Please continue to pray for CL who is undergoing cancer treatments (and for CL’s family). Please continue to pray for our parents who are about take over the logistics of sheltering, feeding, transporting, etc. of our children while I am in surgery and recovery. Please pray for my surgery team and the doctors and nurses who will care for me following the craniotomy. Please pray for all those who have been and will continue to carry my duties at Covenant Network when I am unable to do so. Please continue to pray for Beth who carries far beyond a fair share of the load for our family during this time (she truly is giving >150% in our marriage). Finally, please continue to pray for those who need the grace to see that God is working through their sufferings.

BONUS CONTENT